I was at the doc’s yesterday to pick up some test results (overdue since July, but in my defense, I forgot. Then when I remembered I procrastinated), and I ended up spending about half my day there, with no WiFi and nothing to read. So as I’m trying to keep myself busy on Whatsapp (God bless the hands and brains of those that created it), telling my friend how I’m at the doc’s, she says I started the year with a bang, which seemed really funny when I looked up and realized I was surrounded by pregnant women. That is, women who have definitely been banged/were banging. Pregnancy is funny, because no matter how innocent you look in the face, your belly is proof that you let a man ‘know’ you in the biblical sense. It tells the world you had sex. And without a condom! *gasp*

So I thought I would use ‘bang’ in a blog post so there you go, thanks Kirigo!

I’m up early on a Saturday morning listening to a late 90s to 2000’s R&B mix that is so random it’s going from SWV to Britney Spears, and I cannot for the life of me understand why! My relationship with Caramel (my bed) must be on the rocks because she usually holds me in her embrace until at least closer to 8am but I woke up around 6.30am. Must find a way to salvage that relationship, because I can’t imagine doing what I do with Caramel with anything else.

Anyway, a new year is upon us once again and I once again have a list of resolutions that I probably won’t keep but which I will list anyway. If nothing else it will help me temporarily forget my issues with Caramel *insert hushed sob*

11. I will not procrastinate. Procrastination is evil and I must learn the difference between genuine postponing and procrastinating (even though the synonyms on Microsoft Word imply that they’re the same thing).
12. I will not flirt. Forget what I said last year (read that post here), flirting with men is dangerous and will get you burned. And not with a small flame like a candle’s, more like with a gas explosion kind of fire (but that’s another story)
13. I will eat clean and be fit. I gained about 3kgs in December alone and I am now faced with guilt over the sin I committed (gluttony is a real sin) and the very real possibility of having to go on a punishing diet again to pay for those sins. Mea culpa. Plus the doctor says I’m slightly overweight and need to check that. Random anecdote: I went to another doctor last week for a throat infection and when I was weighed I cussed and almost fell off the scale. The nurse looked at me like I was pure evil, exposing my potty mouth like that in front of her. For shame! But to be fair, I cussed because I completely disagreed with what the weighing scale said and I felt there was no better way to express my disagreement. Plus it’s not my fault that a certain word is so f*&%$#! versatile it can be used as a noun, adjective, adverb, expression of shock, etc.
14. I will blog more. Goes without saying that I neglected my blog in 2013 and I must correct that.
15. I will make decent money. I’m done repeating the ‘experience is important and money will come’ story. I can still get experience and make decent money. Poverty is not my portion yo.
16. I will go for a marathon. StanChart I have 10 months to prepare for you. Whether I do the 10K of 21K doesn’t matter, but I will be there. Here’s to that fitness story again. I am scared. And Kirigo you will not ruka me again, be a good friend.
17. I will travel more and take a holiday abroad, even if Tanzania will be what I refer to as abroad at the time. This limiting myself to Kenya, where I don’t even travel a lot, is not working for me.
18. I will quit playing around with saving and investment. Must learn that ‘needing’ to go for a drink when broke does not constitute an emergency and therefore will not be funded by my savings account, which has paid for a lot of drinks and other useless things this year. I have also recently understood that nobody becomes wealthy off their salary alone so investment, here I come!
19. I will be really good at my job. Mediocrity is not a friend I want to make so I will shine. Is it bad to want to shine so bright my light will blind y’all, or should I just shine enough to light to light the way for myself and others? Wonder what Confucius thinks…
20. I will move out. Time to stop living off my parents’ sweat. Been talking about this too long, I need to stop talking about it and be about it (Usher, thank you so very much for that line, it’s versatile as f*&%!)
21. I will strengthen my relationships with God, friends, family and Mr. Nice Guy, and really live and enjoy life. This is what really matters at the end of the day anyway, right?

So here’s to a fantastic 2014, filled with plenty of laughs, achievements and happiness! And shoes, we never forget shoes.

But surely if I read this again in 2015 and realize I have not done anything, what happens?