Welcome to The Cultured Cow!! Can I hear a “mooooo”? LOL

It’s a new year (duh) and I have to be honest and say that2016 wasn’t so bad for me. I don’t know why everyone else is so relieved that it’s over. Unless they’re American. And their 2017 – 2020 will probably by real shitty with their new CIC. America will turn into all those things they disdain about African politicians, and I’ll just be here sipping green tea and feeling good about being African.

Anyway, as expected, I made resolutions in 2016, and only stuck to the fun ones such as wearing lipstick and cooking and eating more. The whole working out thing didn’t go too well, though I at least got some comfortable running shoes that saw the gym maybe three times all year (they’re in fantastic condition by the way). And the sports bras and leggings that it turns out are fantastic for lazing about the house and running errands.

Now unlike many of you, I’m not making any resolutions this year. Here’s what I think of resolutions: they’re tiring and cliché and nothing more than another To Do list that I will completely ignore. The only fun thing about them might be putting together vision boards. I did that last year in March and it was fantastic! We ate, drank, made collages and played with glitter glue, and I came up with something quite decent. AND I still have it, like a proud mom keeping her spawn’s childish art.Nyachomba, Nelly, Mary, Kirigo, thank you for that afternoon.

But resolutions or not, here’s what I foresee in my 2017 crystal ball:

1. I will become a fantastical blogger. The Cultured Cow is my new baby and I’m hoping to turn her into an amazing site that I hope will keep you guys coming back each week. I’ve decided not to allow life to take away my joy of writing, and figured paying (and waiting for) a proper website would force me to do it more often. So I’ll be sharing a lot more on here that I hope to Jesus you guys will find interesting. (Dear Cultured Cow, after the money and labour I’m investing in you I expect that you will finally propel me into the league of social media influencers and bloggers that has rejected me for many moons).
2. The universe will force me into being an actual adult. It started by teaching me how to pay bills and become a decent wife in 2015. Then there was the rather unfortunate house break-in by a very considerate burglar who made off with our laptops and power bank but made sure not to leave a mess while ransacking the place. He probably even took off his shoes so as not to dirty my light grey carpet and furnishings. I still cursed him with leprosy and the scourge of 1,000 fire ants in his bottom. Owing to said incident My Lover and I thought it would be best to move house, and leave the Godforsaken place we had called home for two years (there goes my food money, rent is a bitch!). Good riddance noisy Vineyard revelers and bad music from Tune, we will not miss you. Though some of you drunken girls were as cute as a dramatic, emotional twat could be with your screams at six in the morning, I pray that 2017 changes you. If I could change, you can too.
3. I will do some pretty amazing things to this new digz. We got a pretty decent flat that I can’t wait to do up. I felt bad about having to take down everything at Ye Olde Manor because I’d put so much love and effort into taking away all focus from the nasty mismatched linoleum floors, but this new place has so many possibilities!I’ve been obsessed with interiors for the past two years so this is definitely a project I’ll enjoy. I’ve spent many a late night poring over Pinterest and Instagram and taking screenshots of furniture from nice places (Odds & Ends, TACC you own my heart), and I pity my wallet for what she’s about to go through as I work my magic on this place.
4. Then – and this will probably be the newest beginning and the most adult thing I have ever done in my life – My Lover and I are with child. Do I know what to do with children? No. Have they ever fascinated me? No. Do they make my heart melt and ovaries sing? No. Had we foreseen this? No. But the Good Lord has seen it fit to bless us so we shall do our best not to ruin our spawn, and you’ll probably know how that goes if you keep coming back here.

Welcome to the cow shed, hope you’ll come and chew cud with me sometime 🙂