BEAUTY, CONFIDENCE AND THE FUTILE PURSUIT OF PERFECTION

I’ve recently come to an enlightened conclusion: beauty as a concept is truly messed up. That it changes by season and culture, geography and social media fad makes attaining it a full-time, exhausting job.

As I write this, I’m thinking about my upcoming nail appointment and what simple yet creative design to do next, my laser appointment – which I’ve been putting off for two months now – and how much weight I “need” to lose before I can feel like the best version of myself.

The pursuit of effortless beauty is anything but effortless these days. And because of my personality type, I’m given to obsessing over things endlessly until they die a natural death, are somehow resolved or superseded by something else that carries more weight. I’ve been doing this for many, many years, and here are some things I’ve learned about beauty, confidence, perfection and the illusion of all of it:

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THE P. PROJECT: IN LIVING COLOUR

I think I’m going through something. I’ve spent the last few years committed to neutrals – from my closet to my spaces – but I’m suddenly finding myself needing a bit more colour in my life. I just ordered a pair of green shoes and another pair of orange shoes and I don’t know who I am any more. I’m beginning to think my interior styling projects have something to do with it because everyone whose space I worked on between 2020-2021 wanted an injection of colour, and now I’ve caught the colour bug. It’s probably how I ended up with green seats – something I would’ve never considered two years ago.

I was going through old pictures on my phone recently and I came across this project from last year.

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THE 50/50 FALLACY AND OTHER LESSONS ON MARRIAGE

I was having a conversation with my husband the other day and I realized we’ve been together almost 11 years now, nearly 7 of them married. It still amazes me, considering I never in my wildest dreams thought I’d get married. My own mother told me she didn’t “like such jokes” when I announced my engagement. The woman didn’t think I was serious up until she saw my ring, and probably didn’t believe it was really happening until she saw me in my dress and heard me say “I do”. She said the same thing when I told her I was pregnant. I think I scarred her with my dating history.

Sometimes it still feels a little surreal. Referring to myself as someone’s wife and claiming someone as my husband. It’s crazy to me, because I always thought I’d end up chronically single but casually dating, and that I’d eventually find myself in a very fluid, non-conforming long-term relationship in my 40’s, one without all the restrictions and expectations placed on people when they, get married younger.

But here I am, and I’d love to share a few of the (harder) lessons I’ve learned along the way, based on both personal and friends’ experiences:

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35 LESSONS I’VE LEARNED FROM WINGING IT IN LIFE

I celebrated my birthday a week ago and it felt like a huge milestone. I’m not a planner. I’m a professional procrastinator and have specialised in the art of winging it, so I didn’t have the vision board with the husband, children and the townhouse. I didn’t know what I’d be doing – I had no idea what my life would look like at this stage. I was just going with the flow, doing what I wanted, what felt right, and here I am. And I’m really happy, and grateful, and still winging it to some extent.

Since I turned 30 I’ve had this little tradition: I like to spend a few moments on my birthday each year reflecting on my life, my achievements, areas of growth, all my blessings and how I can challenge myself in the next year (to procrastinate well you must have a list of things to do), and occasionally I share those things.

Last year I shared 12 lessons. This year I’d like to share 35 – in honour of turning 35. Here goes!

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