WHAT I’VE LEARNED FROM BINGE-WATCHING RHOA

I have a confession: for the past two months or so I’ve spent a lot of time watching reality TV. Real Housewives of Atlanta (RHOA) to be exact. I’ve never been very big on reality TV; I just dabble in its consumption when I’m bored or need a little background noise. But this show has me by a yummy little chokehold and I don’t even know why. I started with season 13 and laughed so hard I decided to watch 12, then 11, then 9, then 10, then I was just like: screw it I’m starting at season 1 LOL.

Who knew that Nene & Co. would be just what I needed to get out of the writing slump I’ve been in! So to kickstart my blogging in 2022, here are a few things I’ve learned from watching these grown women support (then drag) each other for our entertainment.

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THE 50/50 FALLACY AND OTHER LESSONS ON MARRIAGE

I was having a conversation with my husband the other day and I realized we’ve been together almost 11 years now, nearly 7 of them married. It still amazes me, considering I never in my wildest dreams thought I’d get married. My own mother told me she didn’t “like such jokes” when I announced my engagement. The woman didn’t think I was serious up until she saw my ring, and probably didn’t believe it was really happening until she saw me in my dress and heard me say “I do”. She said the same thing when I told her I was pregnant. I think I scarred her with my dating history.

Sometimes it still feels a little surreal. Referring to myself as someone’s wife and claiming someone as my husband. It’s crazy to me, because I always thought I’d end up chronically single but casually dating, and that I’d eventually find myself in a very fluid, non-conforming long-term relationship in my 40’s, one without all the restrictions and expectations placed on people when they, get married younger.

But here I am, and I’d love to share a few of the (harder) lessons I’ve learned along the way, based on both personal and friends’ experiences:

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35 LESSONS I’VE LEARNED FROM WINGING IT IN LIFE

I celebrated my birthday a week ago and it felt like a huge milestone. I’m not a planner. I’m a professional procrastinator and have specialised in the art of winging it, so I didn’t have the vision board with the husband, children and the townhouse. I didn’t know what I’d be doing – I had no idea what my life would look like at this stage. I was just going with the flow, doing what I wanted, what felt right, and here I am. And I’m really happy, and grateful, and still winging it to some extent.

Since I turned 30 I’ve had this little tradition: I like to spend a few moments on my birthday each year reflecting on my life, my achievements, areas of growth, all my blessings and how I can challenge myself in the next year (to procrastinate well you must have a list of things to do), and occasionally I share those things.

Last year I shared 12 lessons. This year I’d like to share 35 – in honour of turning 35. Here goes!

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MODERN MYTHS: THE BABYGIRL LIFESTYLE

I read a hilarious article the other day. It was a two-year-old blog post on “babygirl lifestyle tips” by a (then) fresh Nigerian university graduate offering her fellow young women pointers on how to live their best lives, which included – among other things – becoming the “enjoyment minister” or “enjoyment president” of your life, “pressing necks”, “peppering dem” (I had to Google those two) and “don’t allow men to stress you”. It intrigued me. Not just for the expressions and laughs I got out of it, but for the message it preached, which I’ve seen a lot of recently on my Instagram feed.

This #babygirllifestyle thing is everywhere. It’s on t-shirts and other cheap branded merchandise, posts with captions extolling the virtues of “the soft life”; a life free of responsibility, labour or hardship, characterised by champagne-soaked midweek brunches, frequent luxury shopping and carefully curated holidays. It’s the life we all wish we could live – if only it were real.

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